19 Oct Calling Elon Musk a stoner is insulting to stoners.
In September, tech titan and Tesla CEO Elon Musk took one puff, and corporate America lost its mind. Tesla’s stock plummeted, and two executives resigned.
What’s surprising about this story isn’t that the company’s stock dropped nine percent. It’s that their stock price didn’t drop nearly that much while he was being a much bigger weirdo earlier this summer. Like back in July, when Musk claimed that he alone could save the children trapped in a Thai cave. (He could not.) Then he called one of the actual rescue divers a “pedo.” (The allegation was baseless, and Musk later apologized.)
Calling someone a pedophile on Twitter didn’t hurt Tesla’s stock price even half as much as one puff of legal weed did. That’s weird. But it tells us something about our national attitude towards pot, and people who use it.
Musk himself appears to be confused, when comedian Joe Rogan hands him a blunt, towards the end of taping his 2-hour video podcast.
“It’s legal, right?” asks Musk.
“You probably can’t, because of stockholders,” says Rogen, appearing to offer Musk an easy out.
Maybe Musk thought smoking pot would actually help his company’s stock price rise. Whenever other companies speak publicly about cannabinoids (like Coca-Cola recently did), their stock price climbs. He gamely accepted the blunt. He asked whether it contained pot. It did. He asked whether it was legal. It was; they were taping in California. Then he took a hit. Sort of. He didn’t appear to know how to inhale.
But was this display of superfluous nerdiness actually an elaborate ruse? Is Elon Musk secretly a closeted cannabis user? Some sources say yes. Like Musk’s girlfriend, a Canadian pop star known as Grimes, who he’s been dating since last spring.
Over the summer, Grimes was still amicably collaborating with an American rapper named Azealia Banks, who released incredibly weird information about Elon Musk before he ever smoked a blunt on TV.
In August, Banks reportedly went to one of Musk’s homes to collaborate on a song with his girlfriend, Grimes. When she arrived, Musk was freaking out. He was facing intense scrutiny from the SEC, thanks to yet another odd tweet, in which he’d claimed he was considering taking Tesla private — for $420 a share.
“Funding secured,” Musk had tweeted. (This wasn’t true, which incriminated him in a plot to manipulate the stock market, which is a federal crime.)
Due to the immediate backlash, Musk allegedly needed to be “coddled” by his girlfriend all weekend. Azealia Banks, feeling slighted, decided to take her annoyance public. She released screenshots of her text history with Grimes.
In the texts, Grimes claims Musk “got into weed cuz of me and he’s super entertained by 420 so when he decided to take the stock private he calculated it was worth $419 so he rounded up to 420 for a laugh and now the sec is investigating him for fraud.”
The screenshot texts also show that Grimes is hoping she and Azealia Banks can get pregnant at the same time. (In response, Banks counseled Grimes to get sober first.) But Banks is kind of busy, because she recently released a line of personal care products for troubled backsides.
Banks is unimpressed with Elon Musk, whether he smokes pot or not.
“His dumbass kept tweeting and tucked…once shit hit the fan,” she told Business Insider.
Elon Musk probably needs all the pot he can get.
But when media outlets focus on whether Musk is smoking pot, they’re missing the bigger, more hilarious story. Also, calling Musk a stoner is insulting — to stoners.